This is the first day of my new online journal. What have I done today? I went to church today. After I got home, I started renovating my web site. It's a lot of hard work here. Earlier this morning, I got to talk with my Christopher Robin online and then on the phone. That's about it for now. Laterz!
August 2, 1999:
Geez, I spent hours and hours doing things to this web site. I can't believe I've had this site for almost a year now. I moved a lot of things around, but I think a change is good and I'm fooling around with some stuff I've figured out. I got more colors to work with too.
Open communication is good, especially when you're in a relationship. I'm still fairly new to the whole relationship thing, but I am learning a lot. Chris is a good person to have in my life. I love my friends and family. It's great to have Chris in the picture as well to share my affection with. In the short amount of time we've been together, it's been so intense for us. I can see that we're both going to put the time and effort into making our relationship work. Patience is something we need for each other also. If anything, I'm sure I have enough patience for the both of us, if necessary.
August 3, 1999:
What a crazy night! I went back to Seattle and got to see a free screening of Dick. It was so funny! As you might have guessed, there were some very playful sex jokes in the movie. The girls made a sign towards the end of the movie which read: "YOU SUCK, DICK! LOVE, DEEPTHROAT" I loved it. LOL. In the end credits, Kirsten Dunst and Michelle Williams are licking lollipops with the name "Dick" written on them. It's not a movie I would pay to see, but I thought it was entertaining and full of laughs.
I got my hair cut. Now it's short and spiky... with a little bit of blond left. I am so in touch with my feelings right now. I don't know what to say. I have challenged myself to understand my feelings for the longest time. I've received challenges to my feelings from others as well. I'm talking about LOVE. I love Chris with all my heart. Actually, not even the word "love" truly captures what I feel for Chris. When you're in love, there is no doubt about it. You just know and if you have to think about it... it's not real. In the past, I fell in love with the idea of being in love, but now I'm feeling the true nature of love with Chris.
August 6, 1999:
I'm still up. My goodness! Just chatting with some friends online... making myself tired so I can go to bed. I miss my boyfriend so much. It's been like 2 weeks since I've been with him. It would be so nice if we could have more time together. We miss each other like crazy. Chris did something so sweet. He decided to quit smoking for me. I know he's doing it for himself, too. I'll be so happy to see him again this Saturday.
I just can't sleep. I have so much running through my mind... good and bad. I spent a great day with Chris and I got to see some of my friends at a party. I introduced Chris to my mom, but I didn't reveal that he is my boyfriend. I was able to show my love for Chris around other people, though sometimes I felt as though maybe I might have been a little too clinging. My boyfriend is going through some rough times right now and it upsets me that I can't do a darn thing about it except for continuing to love him. He went back to his habit of smoking. We both know it's not good for him, but under the circumstances I can see some reason why he went back to it.
&nbsP I'm sitting here like on the verge of tears. My heart is racing. My eyelids are getting heavy. My mind is still too active to even consider sleep. I can't say it enough how much I miss Chris when we're apart. We're apart for weeks at a time. We can talk on the phone every night, but it's nothing like spending the time with him in person. I love him with all my heart. He is truly a part of my essence. No words capture how I feel for him. I am well aware that I have only known Chris for 2 months. However, love doesn't keep track of time. With all the patience I muster in myself, I look forward to the next time I get to see Chris. When I'm with him, time moves slower, but eventually it feels like it seriously flew by. The feeling is so intense. I just can't continue this right now...