June 3, 1999
Dear Mom and Dad,
	You have watched me grow over the past 20 years.  You have
been there as I have developed physically, mentally, spiritually, and
emotionally.  What you know about me is fairly limited to what I have
been able to express to you in my spoken words and actions.  I am
sure you understand that being in college has allowed me to explore
who I am and establish an identity for myself.  I know it has been a
trying experience for you to learn to let go of me a little so that I can
learn to live my life.  Not long ago, I was still your little child... your
oldest son.  I still am your oldest son and always will be and I love
you.  
	I am not certain if you have been aware that I have been under
some duress these past few years while juggling the responsibilities of
education and learning about myself.  It has been in most recent
years that I have learned the most about who I am and made the
most progress in establishing an identity.  College is definitely a
learning institution and in more than just the academic aspect of
learning.  It is a place where people can learn who they are, learn
social skills, learn about the real world... basically learn to live life.
	Some of my actions may seem like retaliation towards you. 
They are somewhat acts of defiance to your authority.  Do not look at
it that way.  It is my way of testing your limits, testing my limits, and
trying to establish that I have a mind of my own.  It is obvious that
you care about me and love me.  I understand that you feel it is your
responsibility to watch over me and protect me from harm.  I
appreciate everything you have done to help me develop into the
person I am today.  I do not know how you will take this, but
sometimes it feels as though you do not give me enough credit for my
responsibility.  I may make mistakes financially, but you can not learn
a lesson well if you are not allowed to make mistakes.  The same goes
for everything else in life... if you are not allowed to make mistakes,
you can not learn a lesson well enough.
	You gave me the gift of life and I thank you so much for
allowing me to live it.  What I always hope to give to you is someone
to be proud of and be happy about.  Academic standing is not enough
and it is not the way I want you to look at me.  It is nice when I do
earn the high marks in educational endeavors.  However, sometimes
you miss out on the other things in life that could make you proud of
me.  At times of my life, I thought that there really was no way of
truly pleasing you.  You talk about my grades a lot and that seems to
be the only point of conversation between us.  I sometimes wished
you would look at other things such as my interests and hobbies. 
What I have realized and what I hope you will realize is that I am not
here to please you.  If the only purpose in life was to please the
people around you, then everyone would fail miserably.  This life is to
be lived by the person and everyone else in this life plays whatever
part is right for them.
	Each individual person is unique and it is not right to compare
one person to another.  I cannot be like Manang Ceres or like Esther
and so on.  Joseph cannot be like me.  We cannot be like you.  I hope
you recognize that I am an adult.  The decisions I make are made
under my own considerations.  They may be influenced by other
people in my life, but ultimately the decisions are mine to make.
	I am digressing a little bit from the true intent of this letter. 
These are thoughts I hope you consider which I have not been able to
vocalize.  Recognize me as a person, as an individual, as Joel
******** ******.  I will always be your son and I will always love
you, unconditionally.
	There is no real way I could possibly prepare you for what I am
going to tell you.  It is an issue I have been dealing with for a great
part of my life.  I cannot begin to describe the turmoil it has put me
through.  It is all related to my desire to learn more about who I am. 
It may also explain why I have been behaving the way you have seen
me behave since I started college.  Throughout my childhood and
adolescence, there was always something that I felt was truly
different about me.  I did not know how to explain it.  It was a feeling
that persisted... never going away.  I did not feel comfortable talking
about it with anyone.  It really hit me in high school and then it hit
harder in college.  Do you remember the human sexuality class I took
last year?  At 19 years old, I finally figured out, or at least
acknowledged, what had been my intense feeling that persisted
throughout my childhood and adolescence.  I AM GAY!
	Does this explain anything you have always wondered about
me?  I remember those many times when you teased me about not
having a girlfriend or my tendency to usually hang around with the
girls instead of boys.  It used to be funny and I laughed along with
you when you teased me by using that Ilocano or Tagalog word
“bakla” or however you spell it.  It really started to dig into my
emotional well-being when I started to realize that I am attracted to
men and not women.  I never wanted to even pretend that I was
interested in girls.  That is why I never had a girlfriend and never will.
	I have been out to my friends for over a year now.  I have
needed to stay here in Seattle for emotional support for these feelings
I cannot deny.  Sometimes when I go out here in Seattle, I am with
men.  I need not tell you every little detail about my life which you
have not seen.  That is not important.  I thought it was time you got
to know who your oldest son is.  I am still the person you have seen
grow up.  It does not even make a difference that I am gay.  I will
always be me.  I have needed the time and space that I get when I’m
in Seattle to continue growing personally.
	The fact that you know I am gay now should not alter your
perception of me completely.  It has been difficult for me to even hide
this from you and everyone else who does not know yet.  I do not
know how you are taking this news, but please continue reading.  I
really want you to take some time to think and digest what I have
just told you.  It has hurt me so much to know that I have these
feelings... to be gay and to not be able to be myself.  The friends I
have made in Seattle have been a great support system for me.  I
hope I can count on a support system back home as well.  I love you
with all my heart.
	Just so you know, Manang Ceres and Esther know that I am
gay.  If you need to talk to someone about the whole homosexuality
issue, they are there and so am I.  I really do want you to take the
time to think about things and get to know what you are feeling now
that I have told you.  When you are ready to talk with me about it, I
want you to call me.  Before then, I bought a book for you to read.  I
think it is helpful.  It gives parents a better picture of what other
parents have gone through when they found out their children are gay
or lesbian and how they may be able to deal with it.  I would rather
you not tell anyone else at this point.  This is not something I want
you to have as gossip.  I want you to take the time to deal with
whatever you are feeling and thinking.  I know it will be a long time,
but you are going to need that time.  As will I.  All I ask of you is to 
continue to love me.
							Love,
							Joel *. ******
							Joel ******** ******

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